maybe on the dark side
by czqy
Summary: Something has changed between Lance and Keith. They aren't as close to each other like before. It doesn't seem like too big of an issue, until Keith says he isn't staying on Earth. Lance hates this. He starts questioning what went wrong between them, and then they talk (fight) about it.


**A/N:** I know I literally wrote a fix it fic but this season also fuelled my angst, so.

and please be aware of the fact that there is **no happy ending** in this. other than that I hope you enjoy!

(lowkey spoilers for s7 btw)

* * *

"I'm going back to space," Keith announces. The paladins were discharged today, even though the war had ended weeks ago. Because the damage they took was tremendous, they needed a lot of time to recover—both physically and mentally. They're at a meeting now to discuss future plans, since Voltron isn't really needed anymore, consequently meaning _they_ aren't needed.

Lance can't believe the words that just left Keith's mouth. Judging by the silence around him, everyone else is shocked as well. Voices soon erupt, but Lance can't focus on any particular one. He thinks someone asks why at some point, but he doesn't know who. It may have been him. Everything sounds so far away; it's like he's been submerged in water. There's this constrictive feeling in his chest as he waits for Keith's answer, and the pounding of his heart is loud in his ears, but the instant Keith opens his mouth everything falls silent. Lance can't hear anything but Keith.

"This isn't really home for me," Keith says, before adding, "there's nothing keeping me here."

Before Keith even finishes speaking, Lance has leapt out of his chair and is out the door. He hates that there's a massive glass pane in the wall, because it means that as he storms to the end of the corridor, he can still see everyone in his peripheral vision, and they can all see him. He hates that he sees Keith's confused expression, mixed with a bit of concern, before taking off after him.

By the time Keith makes it to him, Lance is already sitting with his back against the wall, holding his knees close to his chest. He doesn't move as Keith slowly slides down next to him, and he hates how he doesn't say anything, allowing Lance his space but showing that he's there for him at the same time. Keith doesn't get to do this right now, not after the decision he's made, and Lance has to take deep breaths to hold back the tears. Keith, of course, notices this.

"Are you okay?" And the way he asks this softly and carefully, voice laced with worry, is what tips Lance over the edge. He finally lets the tears fall, and they fall _hard_. He can't control it now, and he's hiccupping, and it's probably a very ugly sight, but Keith doesn't move away, nor does he do that awkward 'oh, it's okay, let it all out' thing. Instead, he places a steady hand in the middle of Lance's back. He hates the effect it has on him, because the warmth of it actually comforts Lance, and it's helping with the choked up feeling from crying.

When the last tears fall, Lance hastily wipes them away with his sleeve, then turns to face Keith. "When?" He says it like a statement, with determination, although it probably comes out sounding like he's speaking underwater.

"What?" Keith's response is totally reasonable, but in the moment it seems like he's stalling, and this irritates Lance.

"When are you leaving?" Lance articulates his words to make sure Keith hears them loud and clear this time. He's being childish, and he's being unfair, but he will argue that this is Keith's fault.

Keith sighs before replying. "Tonight," and then he leans his head back against the wall, closing his eyes, "tomorrow at dawn at the latest." This causes Lance to flare up. Is he being serious? Something as big as this, and he waits for the last minute to tell them?

"Why didn't you tell me?" _There's so much more I need to say_ , Lance wishes he could add. He can't anymore though, because Keith is leaving. Again.

"I didn't know I needed your approval," Keith sharp reply comes immediately, and it feels like a slap in the face. Of course. Lance is stupid to have thought otherwise.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Lance stands up, "let's head back, sorry." _Sorry I couldn't have been more, sorry I wasn't good enough, sorry I can't make you stay._

* * *

The meeting ends awkwardly, and Lance feels guilty as fuck to have created that tension, but he also feelslike shit in other ways too. It was hard to concentrate on what was being said, but he's deduced that every other paladin is staying on Earth, even Allura, for the time being. This is upsetting for a whole other reason. Everyone is going to be together, the whole castle gang, and they'll probably have reunions and stuff, but there'll always be someone missing. After everything they've been through together, they can't be incomplete; there can't just be an empty space, _especially_ if it belongs to their leader. Lance is lying on his bed thinking about all of this, when his door opens. He doesn't even have to turn to know who it is, so he continues looking up at the ceiling.

"Hey, Lance," Keith starts, and Lance closes his eyes, because this could be the last time he gets a greeting from him, and he wants to savour it, "I just wanted to say—"

"What happened to us?" Lance interrupts, suddenly sitting up. He didn't even think about this before, but with Keith in his room now, and with what could be their final conversation taking place, it's jumping out in his mind like a blaring alarm.

"What?" Keith doesn't seem to be annoyed Lance cut him off, thankfully, but he is looking lost.

"What happened to us? We were a _team_ , a good one at that, but—It wasn't supposed to end like this. How did it get to this? What went wrong?" Because something Lance never considered even when they were still paladins was that they'd ever separate. Even if they were to die, he'd always assumed they'd die together. His dynamic with Keith was something different, their chemistry was something he'd never experienced before, and there's no way that doesn't mean something.

"A lot," Lance glares at Keith for his short response until he says more, "we grew up I guess, matured."

"Are you serious? And that automatically means we aren't good for each other anymore? That we're better without the other? Do I mean _nothing_ to you?" Lance chokes out the final words, voice cracking. He hates how Keith doesn't seem to care, he hates that this doesn't affect him in the same way.

"What?" Keith has the audacity to actually look offended, and Lance chuckles bitterly at this, because he does not get to play the victim, but that only angers him more. "Is that really what this is about? You need _validation_? Okay, here you go. You, Lance, are the former Blue Paladin, and current, although I suppose it doesn't matter anymore, Red Paladin. You are a ladies' man, and you never fail to—"

"That's not what I mean!" Lance is yelling, launching off of his bed. He's about to launch at Keith too, but stops himself. They have to talk this out in order to get anywhere. "Who am _I_ to _you_?" He asks, pointing at himself and then at Keith for emphasis.

Keith, surprisingly, doesn't actually answer right away. He deliberates for some time, and during that time the heat in the room seeps away, calming their tempers. When Keith finally speaks, he sounds resigned. "You're the—you're my right hand man, Lance, I trusted you most. You eased me into the leadership forced upon me. I couldn't have led Voltron without you." He looks up after, making direct eye contact with Lance. It's an intense gaze, one Lance can't break away from, but it means he can see the sincerity in Keith's eyes. Everything Keith said is true, and it makes Lance's heart flutter, and he feels exhilarated. For a moment he forgets the situation he's in, but then he sees the bag slung over Keith's shoulder and reality hits, reminding him there isn't anything good about this.

"And that means nothing?" Lance lowers his voice to match the sombre mood, and then he can't take it anymore. He can't lose Keith, not after all of this. He thinks about everything they've achieved together, and how he makes him feel, and before he can stop it the one thing that could change Keith's mind slips out. "I was falling in love with you!" Keith jerks backwards, and Lance recoils too. This is the first time he's said it out loud, and it's the first time he's admitted it to himself as well. It's a terrifying feeling, laying out your emotions to someone like this. But there is no lie in Lance's words. It started off as a small crush he had been harbouring, but it grew along with their bond. He's never felt like this towards anyone else ever, and he thinks that… "I might be _in love_ with you!"

"I—" Keith has an unreadable expression on his face, and after he cuts himself off it looks like he's fighting against himself over something, but just as Lance starts to hope, Keith closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and hangs his head. "I'm sorry, Lance," he says steadily, "but I can't." He shakes his head, like he's admitting defeat, but Lance isn't having it.

"That's not—so what, you never felt anything? You're moving on? Is that it? Oh right, I forgot, you wouldn't want to be stuck for an eternity with me." Lance is being so cruel, and there's a part of him on the inside that's screaming at him to say sorry, to beg for him to stay, but another part of him thinks that if he does all this maybe Keith will change his mind just to spite him.

"No—please don't," it's ambiguous whether this is directed at Keith himself or at Lance, but he looks like he's debating something again, "don't make me the bad guy in this. You don't get it."

"What don't I get?" Lance sounds like he's pleading, but he doesn't care. He wants to understand, because maybe if he does he can fix it.

"Would you go to space with me?" Keith uses a tone Lance has never heard before, but he thinks it sounds something like desire, like he's hopeful.

The question shocks Lance, but he's able to reply almost instantaneously. "Wh—no! I can't. My family—"

"There's your answer then," Keith speaks with conviction, as of he's proved something. "I can't stay here, Lance. The war may have ended for us, but there are Galra out there who need help. We're going to rebuild a Marmora base so it can serve as a sanctuary, and—"

"That says nothing; _you_ don't have to go, there are other Blades," he says this despite knowing exactly why Keith feels the obligation to be there. At this moment, Lance hates how selfless Keith is, how he always puts the lives of others above his own. In retaliation, he decides to be selfish, "you're running away again!" Keith visibly flinches at the words, and Lance does too, but before he can apologise, Keith fires back.

"Well maybe that's the only thing I know how to do, _run_ ," he spits the word out with venom, "you're the one who told me to drift off by myself, weren't you? Maybe—"

"Stop," Lance holds his hands out, "please, stop." And Keith does, right away. "Why are we being _so_ mean to each other?" Lance is really close to crying; this could not have gone any worse, he and Keith can't end like this. They deserve so much more than this.

"I don't… know. Sorry," Keith honestly looks upset too, and Lance realises this isn't any easier for him.

"So, you're still going to go?"

"Sorry," Keith apologises again in lieu of an actual answer.

"It's okay," and Lance means it. He thinks they can still save this farewell, even just by a little bit. He's willing to give anything for it, even if it means letting go. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe they just aren't meant to be.

There's a moment of silence, where they're both just letting everything sink in, and understanding that this is goodbye. When Keith breaks this silence, he sounds thoughtful. "You know how the others are always talking about alternate realities? And you know how there's the far side of the Moon which is all mysterious and unknown and stuff? Sometimes people call that the dark side of the Moon."

"Yeah? Where're you going with this?"

"Well, maybe on the dark side we can be together." The words suck all the air out of Lance's lungs, and fill it with something like acceptance instead.

"But not in this reality," Lance completes. He finds that it doesn't affect him as much as it would've earlier. It gives him hope, that there may be another 'Lance' and 'Keith' out there somewhere who get to be together forever, even though it's at the expense of his own happiness.

"No," Keith gives a small smile, and then he walks towards Lance.

They're standing close enough to touch now, but Lance is frozen. He doesn't want to do anything that might make Keith move away, especially not when this is the last time they'll be like this. He has no clue where Keith was going with this either, because he's just sort of watching Lance. He stares into his eyes, then takes one of his hands in his own, and uses the other to brush back his bangs. The whole time, Lance can't do anything, because this is so tender, and this isn't like them, and his heart is beating crazy fast. He's about to open his mouth to comment on it, say something sarcastic to compensate for the fact Keith is making him feel invincible, when Keith covers it with his lips.

It's incredibly soft, and the sensation of kissing fresh snow strangely comes to Lance's mind, except it feels really warm. It's over in an instant, because Keith has moved away before Lance can even respond to it, and just like that their first kiss becomes their last.

Keith pulls away, and Lance finds himself chasing the movement, but Keith steps backwards. "Goodbye, Lance," and then Keith walks out the door, not even waiting for a reply, leaving Lance for the last time.

It takes some time for Lance to recover. He remains standing for a while, staring at the space where Keith just was, wondering if everything that just happened was even real, and then without knowing it he starts to cry. The tears fall freely, he doesn't make any effort to wipe them away. Soon he's cried himself dry, and he moves back to his bed. He sits in the very corner, curled in on himself, and tries to start moving on. It's hard.

He hates Keith. He hates him for coming into his life. He hates him for making him fall in love. He hates him for being such a good partner, and an even better leader. He hates him for leaving. He hates him for not letting him say goodbye. Lance hates him.

(But he doesn't. And that's what he hates most of all.)

* * *

 **A/N:** title + a bit of the fic comes from be together by major lazer!

but yeah. thanks for reading :)

(my tumblr is riskeith if you wanna hmu)


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